In True Life – 7th January 2013

So, after a rather chaotic, if not disastrous New Years Eve, Lou had made numerous promises to herself about the changes she was going to make for 2013. On New Years Day, she had sat herself down at her dining table with a blank notebook and written out a page of resolutions she planned to stick to. These ranged from; “Start every day with a glass of hot water and lemon” and “Not a drop of alcohol will pass my lips in January, February and March”, through to; “I will NOT sleep with any man I know is an ‘Unsuitable’ this year.”

Lou was back to work today after an extended break, and despite it only being the 7^th January, she’d started the day by throwing three empty bottles of Sauvignon Blanc into the recycling bin and fishing out a dry, brown and shrivelled lemon from the back of the salad draw. Oh well, she’d told herself, resolutions were meant to be broken and no one really likes a sensible bore anyway, do they?!

It had been an interesting week to start the year off with. She’d met up with Ben, and although the night had ended in tears, she’d left feeling calmer and more in control than ever. They’d discussed their relationship (his word), and Lou had talked through how she felt the whole thing was becoming a farce. Let’s be honest, having a two-year affair with another woman’s husband isn’t really good for anyone’s ego, even if he had made her promises over and over again. Lou had told him, through a little bit of hyperventilating and running mascara, that she didn’t want to be the other woman any more. How snatched moments with him, however passionate and exciting, were just that – moments. Ben had attempted to appease her and explain how it wouldn’t be like this forever. It was just the way the situation had to be at the moment, whilst his wife was still so unstable (again, his word). He even rolled out the L-word, which for a second took Lou aback. Luckily, she had managed to get her head together and be forceful in her insistence that they were finished. After nipping to the ladies to dry her eyes and reapply her makeup, Lou had returned to the table to say goodbye. Ben had stood up to walk out with her, but she had given him a kiss and told him to stay put. She’d felt empowered as she got into her car. She’d got her mobile out, scrolled down to Ben’s number in her address book and hit the delete button. Then to be doubly certain, she’d looked through her messages and deleted all the saved conversations – no way to be tempted if she couldn’t get in touch with him, she’d thought. She’d felt quite proud as she drove away, and tried hard to stamp down the little voice in her head, reminding her of how amazing that goodbye kiss had been. Kisses full of passion and promise don’t mean anything if they’re not backed up by real actions, she’d told herself. Then she’d told herself she meant it.

On Friday and at a lose end, Lou had decided she should dust off the gym membership card that was hiding somewhere in the back of her purse. Her, and every other person in the world it had seemed when she had arrived at the car park! Struggling to get through the turnstiles without getting stuck and making a fool of herself, she eventually found herself upstairs on the treadmill and tasked herself with getting through the hour without having a heart attack and dying. As she felt her lungs burning and much more of her flesh wobbling than had done a few months ago, Lou looked around at her fellow gym goers. There were plenty of other January Junkies, who like her were looking rather red and sweaty, sporting pained looks on their faces and stealing quick glances at the clock. It wasn’t these that Lou really noticed though. It was those, like the girl in front of her, who despite running at a decent speed, had a full face of makeup on, hair scraped up stylishly and not a bead of sweat on her body. Oh, and she was wearing a crop top. Lou spent the rest of her hour in the gym thinking up embarrassing ways for Crop Top Girl to fall off said treadmill (not causing any serious injury of course). As she climbed off the cross trainer, dripping with sweat, hair scraped back and yet still managing to frizz all over the place, she’d actually giggled as she imagined Crop Top Girl unceremoniously breaking wind during her warm down routine, which wouldn’t have been out of place in the karma sutra. Seriously, she thought, does anyone need to bend and twist quite so vigorously in public? Still, she’d left the gym feeling invigorated, and when Anna had called to see if she wanted to go out the following evening, she hadn’t hesitated in agreeing.

As per usual, by the time Saturday night had rolled around, her calm attitude and good vibes had gone out the window. She’d spent three hours trying on every item of clothing in her wardrobe, had a strop when her false eyelashes had got stuck to her cheek instead of her eyelid and hadn’t been able to find her favourite lippie. Still, somehow she’d managed to make it to the bar and meet Anna, only running twenty minutes late and managing to avoid Anna’s annoyed stare by offering to buy the first round. They’d been having a great night, dancing, giggling and drinking (you probably guessed by the bottles in the recycling bin that sobriety wasn’t going to work for Lou at the moment). It was only as Lou span round, glass in hand, that she’d bumped into Steve. They’d met a few times before through friends, and he’d asked her out. So far, Lou had managed to fob him off and they hadn’t actually met up yet. Steve grinned warmly at her, whilst wiping the remnants of her Vodka, Soda and Lime from his shirt. Mortified, Lou had apologised and tried to help. After chatting for a little while, Steve yet again asked her if she was free to meet up in the week. Ignoring the fact that he insisted on calling her Tallulah, she had found herself agreeing. She didn’t know if it was his rather intense green eyes, which she’d only just noticed, or the two double vodkas she’d drunk just whilst they’d been chatting, but she had suddenly felt quite warm to him. After agreeing that he’d give her a call in the week to arrange, Lou allowed Anna to drag her back on the dance floor and carry on their night. As they jumped into a cab in the early hours, Lou’s phone beeped and she smiled seeing a message from Steve; “ Great to see you, look forward to our drink xx” she giggled as she showed it to Anna and concentrated on not losing the contents of her handbag as the cab flew round the corner.

Sunday had been spent recovering from a sore head and cleaning her rather messy house. Lou had made the obligatory weekend calls to family, where she’d assured her mother that no , she wasn’t drinking too much and yes, there were actually vegetables in the fridge.

As she settled back in to her desk on this dreary Monday morning, Lou opened her inbox and wondered what the second week of the year had in store for her…

In True Life…. 1st January 2013

BEEP! BEEEEP! BEEEEEP! The sound of the alarm woke Lou with a start. It took a second for her to get her bearings and realise that there wasn’t someone stood next to her bed banging a gong, it was just the standard alarm on her Blackberry.

Once she’d scrabbled around and managed to switch of the incessant beeping, her head fell back to the pillow with a sigh. Lou tried to conduct an assessment of her current situation, something she’d got quite used to having to do in the last few years. Firstly, where was she? Secondly, why did she feel like her head was going to explode? What was the thumping pain in her right ankle, and finally how had she actually got here?

Slowly, as she laid there mentally tracing back her steps, she realised. She was in a hotel, and not a plush one at that. She’d seen prisons that were better presented that this place! The line dancing, iron-shoe wearing elves stomping on her brain, were no doubt from the copious amounts of white wine, Disarano and good lord, Jagermeister that was consumed the night before. And finally, the pain in her ankle was coming from the melon-sized swelling that can only come from falling off a curb whilst tottering back to said hotel in ridiculously high wedge shoe-boots!

Once she’d absorbed all of that information, a low groan escaped her as she started to remember a few other details. Lou and three of the girls had started the night dressed up in their gladrags, wearing some serious lippie and with rather high expectations. The four of them had checked into the hotel, if you can call it that, and then headed out to the bar holding the evenings’ festivities.

Sensible Anna had decided not to drink and promised to make sure they got back in one piece at a decent hour. The last thing Lou remembered was Anna outside smoking a Malboro Light, whilst crying about how she felt sick and was disappointed in herself for giving in to the demon drink. Nicola had sloped off early to meet her fella, which was distinctly against the rules of the evening. And Amber, well Amber was probably still dancing in the corner whilst the cleaners swept up around her. Except she wasn’t was she, because it was Amber that had helped Lou back home and picked her up when she tripped off the curb, so she must be back in her room too Lou realised.

Lou rolled over, ignoring the mascara stains on her pillow and picked up her mobile. Calling Amber and not getting any answer, which was unsurprising at 7am, she scrolled back through last nights’ sent messages, cringing as she read them. Time for a quick delete of all the facebook statuses too, she decided! It really was time she gave up on Ben, or “Mr Unsuitable” as the girls liked to call him. Many a night had ended with phone calls and text messaged filled with regret, because he’d decided to stay with the current Mrs Unsuitable instead of fulfilling his promise to come and see Lou. Thing is, Lou knew that was always going to be the way the cookie crumbled, she just had to face facts. And perhaps let herself be a little distracted by a few of the other prospects on the horizon. Like Dependable Steve, who had called her twice last night to see if she was going to be okay getting back to the hotel. Or even Soppy Jack who had sent her a few cringeworthy messages of his own last night. They’d both be lovely – if only Lou wasn’t a walking stereotype that is!

After dragging herself to the shower, trying very hard not to look in the mirror, even whilst brushing her teeth twice over, Lou decided to get dressed and head off home. She’d text Amber and let her know she was going. Lou needed a full fat coke and a McDonalds, or she had a strong suspicion those dancing elves weren’t going to leave her brain alone for the rest of the day.

As she checked out of the hotel, Lou corrected the receptionist who had passed her the check out slip for Louise Smith. Louise wasn’t actually her name she’d explained – Lou was actually short for Tallulah. Noting the raised eyebrow, Lou explained that her parents had clearly had a sense of humour when they named her, although really Lou knew it just came down to her Mother’s desperate need to break out from what she saw as the suburbial mediocrity that came from being called Mrs Smith. So she’d decided to pick Lou’s outrageous first name thinking it would make her feel special. Instead, Lou had just spent the last twenty six years feeling silly and considering Deed Poll.

Throwing her bags into the boot, Lou climbed in to her Ford Focus and switched on the engine. The DJ on the radio was wishing everyone a happy new year, and it was only then that Lou actually remembered the date. Today was the 1^st January 2013!

As she reversed out of her parking space, Lou gave a little chuckle to herself…..If she’d started off the new year like this; in pain, with a pallor even a crate of Touche Eclat couldn’t perk up, and with a phone filled with some very questionable statements; then 2013 could only get better! She drove home smiling despite the headache, whilst wondering what this year would bring……